Said Michael

Dear Twitter,

We’ve been pretty good friends and have seen many good days. I remember posting status updates to you often, informing my friends about what I’m doing and holding fascinating conversations with them. I really felt that the relationship between us was going to be forever.

But lately, you’ve been acting funny, and I’ve been able to tolerate most of it. Your servers have been going down and your IM client has stopped working, but I believed you when you said that you would be in shape very soon. But when I heard the news that another of your servers crashed, and discovered that you weren’t updating my Facebook status, I knew that something was seriously wrong, Twitter. I’m worried about you.

Please don’t think that I’m angry at you—I really want to see you get better. But if you keep on hurting me like this, I’ll have no choice but go to someone else.

You’re great, Twitter, but don’t force me to stop browsing you.

Love,

Michael

(Haha, it’s funny because it makes it seem like Twitter’s a person. But seriously Twitter, get your act together.)